Glenfiddich
Runkin raised a wry eyebrow as he overheard some poor idiot order a Glenfiddich at the bar. All eyes subtly turned to witness the imminent humiliation of this naive soon-to-be-ex customer.
“A Glenfiddich sir? A Glenfiddich is it? No, I’m afraid sir that we do not sell spirits manufactured by William Grant and Sons Ltd in this establishment. No doubt you will be aware of the simple reason for this omission?”
Hamish the barman’s smile froze, and every ear was tuned in for the response.
“Naw. Why no? It’s a good dram that Gl…!”
The last word was lost as the poor bastard’s heid was thumped firmly but gently onto the top of the bar and held there, and Hamish pushed his bearded fizzog close to the customer’s terrified and confused face. “Because, ye daft eejit, William Grant and Sons Ltd, manufacturers of said whisky, invested a sum of one hundred thousand pounds supporting the campaign to retain the Act of Union, itherwise known as No Thanks, Better Together, or UKOK. So we dinnae sell their pish here, and we dinnae serve any type of beverage to ignorant wee shites who dinnae ken any better.”
The head was released, and Hamish’s grimace became a pleasant, but forced smile. “Now if that’s all sir, I’ll thank you to be on your way. Dinnae let that door hit yer erse on the way oot.”
Act as if you were in the early days of a better country.
Bought and sold for English gold
Fareweel to a’ our Scottish fame,
Fareweel our ancient glory;
Fareweel ev’n to the Scottish name,
Sae fam’d in martial story.
Now Sark rins over Solway sands,
An’ Tweed rins to the ocean,
To mark where England’s province stands-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
What force or guile could not subdue,
Thro’ many warlike ages,
Is wrought now by a coward few,
For hireling traitor’s wages.
The English stell we could disdain,
Secure in valour’s station;
But English gold has been our bane-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
O would, or I had seen the day
That Treason thus could sell us,
My auld grey head had lien in clay,
Wi’ Bruce and loyal Wallace!
But pith and power, till my last hour,
I’ll mak this declaration;
We’re bought and sold for English gold-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
Robert Burns, 1791
Now’s the day, and now’s the hour
The headline is of course from Robert Burns’ famous poem, Scots Wha Hae. The poem pays tribute to the brave Scots who, massively outnumbered, won freedom for their country on the gory battlefield at Bannockburn, 700 years ago.
But those days are gone now. In a few hours, on the 18th of September 2014, we merely have to mark a cross on a piece of paper to win freedom, and Scotland has the ability to decide its own future.
We don’t have to bleed to be a nation again. We have to vote.
The arguments that we are better remaining as a region of the UK are the twisted deceit of those bought and sold for English gold. A parcel of rogues from every party, even those that once stood for liberty and dignity. We have been bullied, lied to and threatened time and again by those who claim they wish to embrace us as beloved brothers and sisters. The UK Government has conspired with over thirty other nations to undermine and interfere in our self determination. They are cynically ready to lie, cheat and conspire to continue to benefit from the vast wealth and resources in Scotland. In desperation as polls showed defeat for them, Westminster offered more crumbs from their table should we choose to remain under their thumb. We can collect all their tax for them, for example. This Union has brought us to a state where foodbanks, fuel poverty, the poll tax, the bedroom tax and the obscenity of massive child poverty are our reality. The awful irony is that all this is true in a country that has produced more oil in the last 30 years than Dubai and Abu Dhabi combined.
The alternative is a vision of country that rejects the madness of weapons of mass destruction, and wants to spend its money on bairns not bombs. A country where the weak and vulnerable are cared for, and strangers are welcomed, not demonised. A country with a proud history of free access to education, a country where the common weal is more valued than venal competition. This country is known, instantly, the world over by its iconic symbols. See a kilt, sip a dram of whisky, or hear the skirl of the bagpipes, and you recognise this country. Our future, as for any nation, will not be a utopia. Nobody can predict the future with any real certainty. But with the massive energy resources, both carbon and renewable, that we are so lucky to have, and the highly educated, inventive and hard working people that live here, we are in a stronger position than almost any other country in the world. We have a system of law and education that is strong and proven. We are rich in every resource: we are capable, we are clever and we are canny. We are Scots.
Tomorrow, the world is watching Scotland.
Tomorrow, you will write the headlines all over the world.
Tomorrow, you will make history.
Who would fill a coward’s grave?
Vote for your independence.
How to make history
Place an X in a box on Thursday.
Yes.
The prize is a better country for the people of Scotland. And that’s only a day away.
And I always thought
“And I always thought: the very simplest words
Must be enough. When I say what things are like
Everyone’s heart must be torn to shreds.
That you’ll go down if you don’t stand up for yourself
Surely you see that.”
– Bertolt Brecht, “And I always thought”
[Und ich dachte immer] (c. 1956), trans. Michael Hamburger.
Image courtesy of Bundesarchiv Bild – Bertolt Brecht by Kolbe, Jörg
The prize is a better country for the people of Scotland.
And that’s only 2 days away.
Better together scare template
Please use this template as an aid to the swift drafting of press releases.
A list of friendly contacts and imported lists from our sources can be found on our intranet.
Please take care when mailing to use the list of approved proxy email servers.
1. Headlines
- Blow for Salmond as…
- Blow for SNP as…
- Blow for separatists as…
- … threatens … as poll shows No ahead.
- … say prices will rise after Yes vote.
- Threat to … of Yes vote.
- Threat of … after Yes vote.
- … backs pro-Union campaign.
- … warns of … under independence.
- … warns of … with Yes vote.
- Threat of …
- … deny…
- … bank report shows risk of ….
2. Quotes
When no suitable quote is available from our list of approved prominent individuals and businesses, please use the following formulas.
- An insider within … said that “quote“
- A confidential source within … stated “quote“
- An person with knowledge of the situation said “quote“
- A person who wished to remain anonymous said “quote“
- An employee who did not wish to be identified told us “quote“
- An anonymous insider informed us “”quote“
IMPORTANT: Where you need to make quotes up, be sure to add some credible colloquial terms. Occasional mis-spelling also adds to credibility. (See Section 9. below).
3. Attribution
Please ensure all quotes are attributed correctly.
Where this is not possible, or when selective editing is required to out our case compellingly, ensure that correct use of ellipsis and surrounding unrelated statements are unable to be refuted. Use of the passive voice is encouraged.
4. Divorce and separation
Please refer to the separate document on our intranet. In general, allusions to a family of nations, families splitting up, wanting to retain the joint bank account, taking the CD collection, are all fine, but you must avoid any reference to abuse of children or spouses, or generally hint at any financial obligations legally required in real divorces.
The following words have now been updated the ‘Nationalist’ thesaurus references.
- Nationalist(s) are now Separatist(s). Unless referring to SNP, when both terms should be used.
- Separation.
- Tearing apart (or ripping apart) families.
- Secession. (Do not use secessionist or secessionism, as it is too difficult for those not genetically programmed to…
Continued page 94.
The prize is a better country for the people of Scotland. And that’s only 3 days away.
David Petherick 